Kindnesses

One of the paradoxes about grieving is that you encounter so much kindness. People seem to instinctively know that that they need to be extra kind to you. You think of grieving as just a dark experience, but truly I've blessed with many kindnesses that made me smile or eased the pain for a little time.

One of the kindnesses I remember best was from a co-worker. The week I was off on bereavement leave, I had a deliverable for a client. Obviously it was going to be late. When my co-worker who was the client liaison told them it would be late and they started to get annoyed, he told them to chill out, the person assigned to the task was on bereavement leave. I treasure that moment when, for once, the workplace acknowleged that my right to a personal life was more important than the work.

Other memorable things include:
Someone leaving a bag of her favorite chocolates at my desk
A gift card to a local restaurant that was left anonymously on my desk (very nice when you are low on funds after losing half your family income!)
Friends inviting me their home for dinner and a movie on their wide-screen TV (Death at a Funeral which is hysterically funny and was just the right thing for my mood)
Another friend who grabbed her kids and took me out to lunch and then to the beach for my birthday.
Hugs from the clerk at the local Wawa when I broke down crying.
My neighbor taking over the care of my lawn
My coworkers who are helping fix my fence
The sympathy card from the lady I used to share an office with 20 years ago that I last saw in 1992.
The Internet friends who called me to check on how I was doing
My former boss making the trip back for the funeral from out-of town
My sister doing duty as the “guard sister” to protect me when Karl's daughter wanted to come cry all over me at 3 am
My sister's college roommate coming to the burial at Arlington
The many sympathy cards
The people who came to the funeral who didn't know Karl at all but wanted to support me.
The people (especially Karl's cousin who lived with me) who listened when I needed to talk and left me alone when I needed to be alone.

A lot of these things aren't big things; they aren't expensive things. But the grieving experience taught me a lot about how important small gestures can be when you are in need. I try to do more of them myself now because I understand how much they mean.